Lucky Day: Well, we're just gonna have to use our brains.
Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: Damn it!
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El Guapo: Are gringos falling from the sky?
[Ned falls from overhead and lands with a thud]
Jefe: Yes, El Guapo.
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Mr. Flugelman: Do you know what "nada" means?
Dusty Bottoms: Isn't that a light chicken gravy?
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Mexican girl: Which one do you like?
Carmen: I like the one that's not so smart.
Mexican girl: Which one is that?
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Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little suprises.
El Guapo: Many pinatas?
Jefe: Oh yes, many!
El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe: A what?
El Guapo: A *plethora*.
Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe: Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?
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Bartender: We don't have beer. Just tequila.
Ned Nederlander: What's tequila?
Bartender: Uh, it's like beer.
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Rosita: I was thinking later, you could kiss me on the veranda.
Dusty Bottoms: Lips would be fine.
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Lucky Day: Not so fast El Guapo! Or I'll pump you so full of lead you'll be using your dick for a pencil!
El Guapo: What do you mean?
Lucky Day: I don't know.
Jefe: I think he means that if you...
El Guapo: Shut up!
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[Dusty Bottoms and Lucky Day thinks Ned Nederlander is saying "mail" plane]
Dusty Bottoms: What is it doing here?
Ned Nederlander: I think it's a male plane.
Dusty Bottoms: How can you tell?
Ned Nederlander: Didn't you notice its little balls?
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Lucky Day: In a way, each of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo!
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Lucky Day: Oh, great. You killed the invisible swordsman!
Ned Nederlander: [runs over to check] He's dead, all right.
Dusty Bottoms: How was I supposed to know where he was?
Lucky Day: You were supposed to fire up. *We* both fired *up*.
[aside]
Lucky Day: It's like living with a six-year old.
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Dusty Bottoms: Time for plan B. Plan A was to break into El Guapo's fortress.
Carmen: And that you have done, now what?
Dusty Bottoms: Well we really dont have a plan B. We didn't expect for the first plan to work. Sometimes you can overplan these things.
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Ned Nederlander: This is not a town of weaklings! You can use your strengths against El Guapo. Now, what is it that this town really does well?
Townspeople: Hmmm. Hmmm? Ummm.
[long pause]
Mama Sanchez: We can sew!
Dusty Bottoms: There you go, you can sew.
Ned Nederlander: Ah.
Dusty Bottoms: If only we had known this sooner.
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Ned Nederlander: Sew, very old one! Sew like the wind!
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El Guapo: El Guapo only kills men
[horse neighs]
El Guapo: . He does not kill crying women!
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Dusty Bottoms: Well I'd like to continue to work for free, Mr. Flugleman.
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Sam: Get a wardrobe over here right away; take the Amigos' clothes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rodrigo: Can I have your watch when you are dead?
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El Guapo: Jefe, you do not understand women. You cannot force open the petals of a flower. When the flower is ready, it opens itself up to you.
Jefe: So when do you think Carmen will open up her flower to you?
El Guapo: Tonight, or I will kill her!
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Dusty Bottoms: No, we will not die like dogs! We will fight like lions! Because we are...
Dusty Bottoms, Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: The Three Amigos!
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Lucky Day: What we're talking about is money, real money, Amigo money. No dough, no show.
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Lucky Day: Wherever there is injustice, you will find us.
Ned Nederlander: Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there.
Dusty Bottoms: Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: The Three Amigos!
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Dusty Bottoms: Do you have anything here besides Mexican food?
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Lucky Day: You son of a motherless goat!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jefe: Could it be that once again you are angry for something else, and you are taking it out on me?
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[in the Saloon where they all thought The Amigos were the tough gunfighters the German guy told them about]
Lucky Day: [singing] Dear Little Buttercup, won't you stay a...
[he points at a scared patron at a table who exclaims]
Patron: While, While!
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Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: [singing] My little Buttercup has the sweetest smile/ Dear little Buttercup, won't you stay a while?/ We'll settle down together in a cottage built for two/ Oh, Dear little Buttercup, I love you!
Lucky Day: [motioning for people to join in singing] C'mon, everybody!
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: My little Buttercup has the sweetest...
[points to man]
Patron: Es-smile!
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: Dear little Buttercup, won't you stay a...
[points to another man]
Patron #2: While! While!
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: We'll settle down together in a cottage built for two, ohh...
[Lucky and Ned point to group at table]
Crowd at Bar: Dear!
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: Little Buttercup!
[Lucky and Ned point to another group]
Crowd at Bar: Sweet!
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: Little Buttercup!
[Lucky points to bartender]
Bartender: My little Buttercup!
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: I love you!
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Lucky Day: [singing] My little butter cup has the sweetest.
Patron: Eh-smile!
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Ned Nederlander: Chip, chip, chip, chip, chip,
[shouts]
Ned Nederlander: Nanny!
Lucky Day: Faaaaarley, Farley, Farley, Faaaaaaarley!
Dusty Bottoms: Hfurhrmrgurny
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Ned Nederlander: Tell us we will die like dogs.
El Guapo: Eh?
Ned Nederlander: Tell us we will die like dogs.
El Guapo: You *will* die like dogs.
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Mr. Flugelman: It'll be a cold day in hell when Harry Flugelman lets an actor tell *him* what to do!
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Dirty Faced Cowboy in Salon: Yo, cowboy. Why don't you come down here and sit on my lap? I wanna show you something.
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Lucky Day: Reading telegram: "Three Amigos, Hollywood, California. You are very great. 100,000 pesos. Come to Santa Poco put on show, stop. The In-famous El Guapo."
Dusty Bottoms: What does that mean, in-famous?
Ned Nederlander: Oh, Dusty. In-famous is when you're MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he's not just famous, he's IN-famous.
Lucky Day: 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico!
Dusty Bottoms: Wow, in-famous? In-famous?
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Rosita: [El Guapo has kidnapped Carmen and taken her to his fortress] Carmen, tonight you are to be El Guapo's woman. I am going to give you some hints about lovemaking with El Guapo.
Carmen: I would rather die first!
Rosita: Tell me, Carmen, do you know what foreplay is?
Carmen: [Carmen shakes her head, trembling slightly with fear] No...
Rosita: Good! Neither does El Guapo.
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Ned Nederlander: Chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip... LONNEEEEEEEE!
[fires pistol]
Lucky Day: Farley-farley-farley-farley-farley-farley... Hafurrrrrrr...
[fires pistol]
Dusty Bottoms: Kinut, hoooooola widdle! Tas, habble... sohn.
[accidentally shoots the Invisible Swordsman]
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Lucky Day: Oh great! Real Bullets!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ned Nederlander: What are we even doing in Mexico?
Ned Nederlander: We're not getting paid that's for sure!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day: Dusty, how do you like your bat?
Dusty Bottoms: Well done.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day: Look up here!
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[Dusty Bottoms is posing as one of El Guapo's men, and El Guapo is struggling to remember who he is and what they've done together]
El Guapo: Oh-ho, you...
Dusty Bottoms: Jose!
[the bandidos cheer]
El Guapo: Together, we...
Dusty Bottoms: Burned the village!
El Guapo: Burned the village!
[the bandidos cheer]
El Guapo: And, uh...
Dusty Bottoms: [trilling the "r"] ... rrrrrrrrraped de horses!
[the bandidos cheer]
El Guapo: And we...
Dusty Bottoms: Rode off on de wimmin!
El Guapo: Rode off on de wimmin!
[the bandidos cheer, a bit more quietly]
El Guapo: And uh...
Dusty Bottoms: Plundered!
El Guapo: Plundered!
[the bandidos cheer]
El Guapo: And uh...
Dusty Bottoms: Pruned!
El Guapo: ...pruned the, uh...
Dusty Bottoms: Hedges!
El Guapo: ...hedges of...
Dusty Bottoms: Many small villages!
"Jeremiah Blues" exist. It's somewhat like "Fight Club". Only "Lite"-er, decaffeinated, detoxed and Rated-PG (parents-need-guidance). Much of Jeremiah Blues doesn't make sense to anyone outside the Inner Circle of this insidious fraternity (truth be told, much of it doesn't even make sense to the Inner Circle of this insidious fraternity). Therefore, if you don't find anything useful here, please just move on. Go check out Hollywood Babylon if you're interested in porn. There's no porn here. In fact, the Inner Circle is very anti-porn because we once did a study on how it had zero effect in encouraging Pandas to copulate. Now, panda-extinction is a very real issue and panda-porn used to be presented as the cure for the apparent lack of sexual interest among the cuddly bears. Apparently, it had about as much effect as Jack Black's animated feature had in encouraging pandas to take up kung-fu! But for some reason, some weird SIN fundy (usually going by stupid Latin-sounding names like Vincit) actually think that there's a lot of porn here. There's no use reasoning with SIN fundies. They are even less sexually interesting that panda-porn. Anyway, my point is this: if you've had a healthy childhood playing Nintendo, watching Cartoon Network and fantasizing about aborted foetuses, then you'll probably find little here to interest you. In fact, you may even find Jeremiah Blues rather confusing. Some people actually said that we're writing/posting utter rubbish here. Not too far from the truth, I must admit. But then, so was James Joyce...
Last Saturday was an actual off-line, in-the-stinking-flesh gathering of the Inner Circle of the Jeremiah Blues fraternity. Aside from the usual discussions on the aesthetic qualities of European artists against the conveniently-sequential kitsch of American ones, we also ordered an indecent amount of food like normal, ordinary human beings. [Melvin provided the sound bites.] In other words, we had "dim-sum" at a local restaurant while talking about the state of local politics, history, art, philo-loco-sophy, theo-loco-gy and other really deep, introspective shit by the usual gang of idiots. [Melvin provided the sound bites.] The interesting thing about the live-meeting (performance?) was that if any casual bystander stood by and listened in, he/she would have absolutely no idea what we were talking about at all. Never mind that. Most of the time, we couldn't even understand what we ourselves were talking about. [Melvin provided the sound bites.] La Tey was fast asleep after the 20th hour. Pltypus and I were still going on and on and on. We ran out of topics and actually went into therapy (with Pltypus charging RM80 a pop). [Melvin provided the sound bites.] Shesha smoke was in the air, in our lungs and in our heads. That kept us awake. The shesha-man gave a lecture on how the shesha-pipe worked. We should probably invite him to chair future Jeremiah-meetings. Nobody could understand a word he said!!! But we all nodded in agreement anyway. [Melvin provided the sound bites.] My point (and I do have one) is this, the Inner Circle of the Jeremiah Blues fraternity is identical in real-life as they are in blog-life. Deep and nonsensical at the same time. But then, so was James Joyce.....
In some ways, Jeremiah Blues was about the struggle for independence. We had our little Boston Tea Party and decided that enough was enough. Some centuries down the line, historians will pore over every word that we've written down here and conclude that we were right in the midst of a revolution - heck, that our names will forever be linked to the greatest revolution ever in human history. But that is to be expected. Uncle Screwtape was said to have memorized "Ecce Homo" on his way to the school lavatory one day when he was in Primary Three. As for La Tey, he was said to have discovered the truth behind all existence in some weird S&M ritual involving a hammerhead-shark in latex and an electric-drill customized according to the diameter of one of his orifices that I will refrain from mentioning lest I offend the sensibilities of some of our more tender readers. As for Pltypus, he saw the light after the 58,239th viewing of "The Deer Hunter" and "Blade Runner" side-by-side on his TV screen and notebook LCD screen. It was said that his experience was akin to an epiphany and he finally figured out the real motives behind Rutger Hauer's mysterious actions saving Han Solo at the end of the movie. Pltypus was last seen sitting silently below the Virgin (probably the only Lady that could make him shut up). As for Melvin? Well, he provided the sound bites and we all love him for that. I don't know about James Joyce. I was told that he once made some list that provided him instant Nirvana. The list went something like that:
Wanna join up?
