Lucky Day: Well, we're just gonna have to use our brains.
Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: Damn it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
El Guapo: Are gringos falling from the sky?
[Ned falls from overhead and lands with a thud]
Jefe: Yes, El Guapo.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Flugelman: Do you know what "nada" means?
Dusty Bottoms: Isn't that a light chicken gravy?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mexican girl: Which one do you like?
Carmen: I like the one that's not so smart.
Mexican girl: Which one is that?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little suprises.
El Guapo: Many pinatas?
Jefe: Oh yes, many!
El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe: A what?
El Guapo: A *plethora*.
Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe: Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bartender: We don't have beer. Just tequila.
Ned Nederlander: What's tequila?
Bartender: Uh, it's like beer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rosita: I was thinking later, you could kiss me on the veranda.
Dusty Bottoms: Lips would be fine.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day: Not so fast El Guapo! Or I'll pump you so full of lead you'll be using your dick for a pencil!
El Guapo: What do you mean?
Lucky Day: I don't know.
Jefe: I think he means that if you...
El Guapo: Shut up!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Dusty Bottoms and Lucky Day thinks Ned Nederlander is saying "mail" plane]
Dusty Bottoms: What is it doing here?
Ned Nederlander: I think it's a male plane.
Dusty Bottoms: How can you tell?
Ned Nederlander: Didn't you notice its little balls?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day: In a way, each of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day: Oh, great. You killed the invisible swordsman!
Ned Nederlander: [runs over to check] He's dead, all right.
Dusty Bottoms: How was I supposed to know where he was?
Lucky Day: You were supposed to fire up. *We* both fired *up*.
[aside]
Lucky Day: It's like living with a six-year old.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dusty Bottoms: Time for plan B. Plan A was to break into El Guapo's fortress.
Carmen: And that you have done, now what?
Dusty Bottoms: Well we really dont have a plan B. We didn't expect for the first plan to work. Sometimes you can overplan these things.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ned Nederlander: This is not a town of weaklings! You can use your strengths against El Guapo. Now, what is it that this town really does well?
Townspeople: Hmmm. Hmmm? Ummm.
[long pause]
Mama Sanchez: We can sew!
Dusty Bottoms: There you go, you can sew.
Ned Nederlander: Ah.
Dusty Bottoms: If only we had known this sooner.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ned Nederlander: Sew, very old one! Sew like the wind!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
El Guapo: El Guapo only kills men
[horse neighs]
El Guapo: . He does not kill crying women!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dusty Bottoms: Well I'd like to continue to work for free, Mr. Flugleman.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Get a wardrobe over here right away; take the Amigos' clothes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rodrigo: Can I have your watch when you are dead?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
El Guapo: Jefe, you do not understand women. You cannot force open the petals of a flower. When the flower is ready, it opens itself up to you.
Jefe: So when do you think Carmen will open up her flower to you?
El Guapo: Tonight, or I will kill her!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dusty Bottoms: No, we will not die like dogs! We will fight like lions! Because we are...
Dusty Bottoms, Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: The Three Amigos!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day: What we're talking about is money, real money, Amigo money. No dough, no show.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day: Wherever there is injustice, you will find us.
Ned Nederlander: Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there.
Dusty Bottoms: Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: The Three Amigos!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dusty Bottoms: Do you have anything here besides Mexican food?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day: You son of a motherless goat!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jefe: Could it be that once again you are angry for something else, and you are taking it out on me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[in the Saloon where they all thought The Amigos were the tough gunfighters the German guy told them about]
Lucky Day: [singing] Dear Little Buttercup, won't you stay a...
[he points at a scared patron at a table who exclaims]
Patron: While, While!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: [singing] My little Buttercup has the sweetest smile/ Dear little Buttercup, won't you stay a while?/ We'll settle down together in a cottage built for two/ Oh, Dear little Buttercup, I love you!
Lucky Day: [motioning for people to join in singing] C'mon, everybody!
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: My little Buttercup has the sweetest...
[points to man]
Patron: Es-smile!
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: Dear little Buttercup, won't you stay a...
[points to another man]
Patron #2: While! While!
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: We'll settle down together in a cottage built for two, ohh...
[Lucky and Ned point to group at table]
Crowd at Bar: Dear!
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: Little Buttercup!
[Lucky and Ned point to another group]
Crowd at Bar: Sweet!
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: Little Buttercup!
[Lucky points to bartender]
Bartender: My little Buttercup!
Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: I love you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day: [singing] My little butter cup has the sweetest.
Patron: Eh-smile!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ned Nederlander: Chip, chip, chip, chip, chip,
[shouts]
Ned Nederlander: Nanny!
Lucky Day: Faaaaarley, Farley, Farley, Faaaaaaarley!
Dusty Bottoms: Hfurhrmrgurny
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ned Nederlander: Tell us we will die like dogs.
El Guapo: Eh?
Ned Nederlander: Tell us we will die like dogs.
El Guapo: You *will* die like dogs.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Flugelman: It'll be a cold day in hell when Harry Flugelman lets an actor tell *him* what to do!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dirty Faced Cowboy in Salon: Yo, cowboy. Why don't you come down here and sit on my lap? I wanna show you something.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day: Reading telegram: "Three Amigos, Hollywood, California. You are very great. 100,000 pesos. Come to Santa Poco put on show, stop. The In-famous El Guapo."
Dusty Bottoms: What does that mean, in-famous?
Ned Nederlander: Oh, Dusty. In-famous is when you're MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he's not just famous, he's IN-famous.
Lucky Day: 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico!
Dusty Bottoms: Wow, in-famous? In-famous?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rosita: [El Guapo has kidnapped Carmen and taken her to his fortress] Carmen, tonight you are to be El Guapo's woman. I am going to give you some hints about lovemaking with El Guapo.
Carmen: I would rather die first!
Rosita: Tell me, Carmen, do you know what foreplay is?
Carmen: [Carmen shakes her head, trembling slightly with fear] No...
Rosita: Good! Neither does El Guapo.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ned Nederlander: Chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip... LONNEEEEEEEE!
[fires pistol]
Lucky Day: Farley-farley-farley-farley-farley-farley... Hafurrrrrrr...
[fires pistol]
Dusty Bottoms: Kinut, hoooooola widdle! Tas, habble... sohn.
[accidentally shoots the Invisible Swordsman]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day: Oh great! Real Bullets!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ned Nederlander: What are we even doing in Mexico?
Ned Nederlander: We're not getting paid that's for sure!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day: Dusty, how do you like your bat?
Dusty Bottoms: Well done.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Day: Look up here!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Dusty Bottoms is posing as one of El Guapo's men, and El Guapo is struggling to remember who he is and what they've done together]
El Guapo: Oh-ho, you...
Dusty Bottoms: Jose!
[the bandidos cheer]
El Guapo: Together, we...
Dusty Bottoms: Burned the village!
El Guapo: Burned the village!
[the bandidos cheer]
El Guapo: And, uh...
Dusty Bottoms: [trilling the "r"] ... rrrrrrrrraped de horses!
[the bandidos cheer]
El Guapo: And we...
Dusty Bottoms: Rode off on de wimmin!
El Guapo: Rode off on de wimmin!
[the bandidos cheer, a bit more quietly]
El Guapo: And uh...
Dusty Bottoms: Plundered!
El Guapo: Plundered!
[the bandidos cheer]
El Guapo: And uh...
Dusty Bottoms: Pruned!
El Guapo: ...pruned the, uh...
Dusty Bottoms: Hedges!
El Guapo: ...hedges of...
Dusty Bottoms: Many small villages!
No comments:
Post a Comment