Thursday, July 3, 2008

"And Then There Were Three..." (Stoned In Arkansas)

Three days of kungfu movies, strange kungfu cats appearing and disappearing, and I've just had about enough. I sneaked out when Dalia was in the toilet. Went up to the roof and talked to Kevin. For those of you who may not know him, Kevin is the High Priest of Khonshu. He lives and breathes for the Ancient Egyptian God of Vengence (some also said God of the Moon). "Let the Christians and the other fools follow after their Solar Deities, the Moon is what I'm all about," Kevin told me. Kevin is a scary guy. Ask anyone who'd met him. They'll tell you all about him and his obsessions with the moon (even more than the Reverend Sun Myung Moon, if you must know). The last time I sat down with La Tey, we talked about Kevin and worshipping Khonshu. La Tey said that Khonshu was a scary god and that his avatar was always insanely suicidal (when he's not busy tearing off people's faces or sodomizing rapists, that is). I explained to La Tey that Kevin was this ardent follower of Khonshu and he's responsible for keeping the memory of the dead god alive in our skeptical age. La Tey giggled - but not in glee. He was beaming for admiration for a person who believed as deeply as Kevin, the High Priest of Khonshu.

So here I was. Face-to-ugly-face with Kevin, the High Priest of Khonshu. What I knew about Khonshu, I learned from Douglas. Now Douglas was this bloke who wrote about Khonshu's avatar in the 1970s. He never recovered from that. Douglas said once that Kevin scared him because Kevin was following the "real thing". Douglas was only a scribe in service to a higher power.

It was a full moon night and Kevin was enacting some weird ritual. I asked him if he wanted to sacrifice a cat. I was hoping that my mysterious cat appears at just that moment so that I could hand it to Kevin to be cut into tiny pieces and sacrificed to the Egyptian Moon God. He said that he preferred Fake Pltypuses. "Fake Pltypuses?" I asked. "Yes, there're real pltypuses and those are amazing creatures. But there're also Fake Pltypuses and they are without shame. They are known to lurk about in corners uninvited and unwelcomed. Most of them are dickless too!" Kevin explained. I stood there listening intently to Kevin's explanation about the minutest details of sacrificing Fake Pltypuses to Khonshu. If I'd recorded down every word he said, wouldn't it be like a 21st Century Version of Leviticus for the Khonshu Bible? Maybe 1,000 years later, people will quote from it and argue that it's blasphemous to not use a particular translation of it? Maybe they'll wave flags with "Sola Khonshu-Scriptura" or some such shit? I don't know. It was all a load of bull anyway.

I waved goodbye to Kevin and left. I have too much craziness in my life already without participating in an Egyptian Cult...