Sunday, September 28, 2008

Balitong With Gays And Geneticists

Saturday. SS2 Mamak with Stephen Jay and Richard. I ordered a double-whammer "burger daging" and a plate of "oh-jian" (oyster-omelette). Stephen Jay was vegetarian so I ordered him some carrot juice. Richard was an omnivore so he got a plate of "chee cheung fun". I kept eating while the two blokes argued with each other about the real purposes and impetus for "natural selection". Interestingly, both of them were really having individual monologues rather than talking to each other but by the end of the evening they were both under the illusion that they had an illuminating debate and managed to convince (nay, won the respect of) each other. I sat there and sniggered. Stephen talked a lot about horses' toes and Richard tried to convince me that there's really no "me" - there's only a bag of genes and I'm the bag. The genes are the real Masters of the Universe (not He-Man or Skeletor) because they've got a thousand million million million years to work their ways on the universe. I smiled. No crisis of identity there. I'm merely a bag just as Richard and Stephen Jay. The real masters are not genes but gas. We're all bags of gas, packets of hot-air - flatulence is our mother-tongue. Allan joined us and I ordered another plate of "chee cheung fun" for him. Allan's gay so nobody talked to him much. But he's a fine fellow to hang out with and I enjoyed his tales about hot anorexic babes in California. It was a belated birthday celebration with some friends. Only that I didn't tell them it was my birthday week. "Oh-jian" uncle also joined us. Told me that he's the most well-known cook in the whole of PJ because he prepares the best balitong, la-la and "oh-jian". He explained that he's now a grandfather (13 grandchildren even) but it's a pleasure to him to continue selling food. Richard tried to extract the formula for "oh-jian" from the uncle. To my surprise, uncle generously provided the recipe but he smugly added - "I can tell you how to prepare it but you'll still not be able to do it like me! You see, I've got magic hands!" Richard started to explain how active genes provided him with those "magic hands" but uncle just sat there with a shit-eating grin. After Richard finished his little lecture, uncle asked, "So, another plate of balitong with extra chili?" Stephen Jay asked what "balitong" was. I told him it was a sort of sea-creature with shells and you've got to be a "sucker" to enjoy it. Stephen Jay wanted to know if it was "kosher" for vegans. I told him to ask uncle. Uncle smiled. He didn't understand what "kosher" meant. He just said, "I make balitong. Extra chili. You sure like." Like? Stephen Jay loved it. Allan too. He's an especially good sucker. All good gay-boys are. It's an ability endowed by gay-genes.

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