Thursday, September 25, 2008

HULK AT MADRIPOOR



this article was written in ransom. Hulk promised to smash if he doesn't get a page.
For all I can remember, rushing back from Montfort School BeePee on Tuesday was all about zooming in to Channel 5. Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno. The Incredible Hulk. My tv then was b&w but kids of time past could imagine all the colors. That is called superior artistic development. No gamma rays needed. For the life that I remember, I could see colors in most superheroes that existed in that time. Supes was always red. No need x-ray vision to guess. In art class any doodle of a flying man with red underwear was supes. It was that simple. And that colorful. Art was that simple. Time was, even a colorblind bat can tell a guava from a papaya. One such poor sop flew into the garden one night and got socked out of its wits with a mighty slugger. Courtesy of THAT bespectacled high school teacher. The guava was wasted. But the bat was curry. (!) Life WAS that simple then. No elseworld, no alternate realities, no multiverse, no confusion. Flash was Barry. Lantern spandex guy was Hal. Wonder Woman IS Linda Carter. Supes was still the one with the exposed red underwear. We did not bother to know Clark Kent till much later. Didn't I say it was a colorful world? So, HULK. (Gray?) A former Mr. Olympia contestant more recognized for his mental meltdown at the hand of the Terminator in PUMPING IRON, was suddenly the green guy every kid in town want to quote. His lines will be remembered for eternity. Well, at least by every kid in Montfort class 3A to be specific. The lines immortalized till all secret wars are uncovered and all new gods become passe. The lines that will outlive deaths and returns. The lines that will civilized all civil war. The lines that will count beyond 12 or 52. The lines that will be messianic even before it get complex. The lines that will out-Stan and out-Kirby. The lines that will out-Morrison and out-Bendis. The lines that will out-Rucka and out-Loeb. The lines that only the late great Bill Bixby can say. The lines that made Mr. McGee famous for all the wrong journalistic reasons. "Mr. McGee don't make me angry. You won't like me if I am angry!" (Mr. McGee? Apa binatang tu?)
The names check above? Well, If a Gray thing with THUMP on one hand and BAM on the other insist, one must not disagree.
So, back to the present reality. Madripoor thrashed. Evacuated. Haunted. Hopefully Mr. Gray bought only the 3 days 2 nights Madripoor Getaway. Said he wanted the town to remember his 32nd gamma years as the HULK. Man, some people insist on full spread centrefolds. OK, all right. You want it? You got it. Here in Jeremiah, the exclusive HULK GRAY photoshoot. (Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan sila perhatian, ada unsur-unsur THOOM, THUMP, BAM, KRAK, WAM, SMASH(!), THA-KA-DOOM dalam gambar-gambar berikut.) (Tidak sesuai untuk anak-anak bahlol di London yang hanya baca tin-tin kosong dan dongeng agak-tak-cuti)
Note to tuition teacher: HULK teaches an alphabet in each title. Betcha didn't know Hulk gave tuition.
HULK in Armani 3 Quarter Summer Casuals

Hulk smiles and lends a hand for Charity.

Hulk advice to ladies: Go for yearly Mammogram

Hulk says short-short hair-do is so cool!


Hulk says use Colgate for Dental Health

Hulk wears Disposable Contacts so should you!

A love remembered. A love lost. A life saved. A life broken. A protective father. A faitthful daughter. A regret. Throw in a psychoanalyst. A rabbit. (dead) An ironman. (half-dead) A cave in the outback on a rain soaked night. I think this is what the continual-stylized faction in Madripoor will term "Soap Opera". The best part in all of this? The one and only time a small font, unbold 'boink' was heard from Hulk's massive hands. That landed on the damsel in distress. A panicky Hulk went into doctor mode and applied first aid. (!) Did I mentioned a whole 7-Eleven store was torn up so that the Hulk can lay hand on a First-Aid box? A laugh-out-loud-centrefold. The coup de grace? An immortal line not found anywhere else, "HULK SORRY". (!!!)

the author squeezed like a pimple, is not responsible nor at fault for the blatant commercialism of this piece.
HULK GRAY: last seen leaving Madripoor, happy.


5 comments:

Uncle Screwtape said...

Loved the Bixby-Ferrigno show. Not so much for Ferrigno but for Bixby and that immortal line. :)

~ Edmund

pltypus said...

They don't draw Hulk like they used to. I still buy a comic because of the cover. Can't stand the WWH on the shelves everywhere. Give me a Joe Fixit stories?

Uncle Screwtape said...

You bought Tim Sale's "Hulk: Gray"? Single issues?

Joe Fixit stories are available in "Hulk Visionaries: Peter David" volumes two and three. Grey Hulk as mob enforcer in Vegas. Also the Todd McFarlane-drawn Hulk vs. Wolvie issue inside. Classic Peter David stuff.

I've yet to pick up anything to do with WWH. Thing is, I download everything these days. Budgetary concerns make one creative. Thankfully, there's always Rapidshare and Torrent downloads. I just read the complete run of Warren Ellis' "Thunderbolts". Took me a month or so to download all 130-140 issues but it was worth it. Just set the notebook on during my workdays and it goes to work.

I was told that the present Jeph Loeb/Ed McGuiness run sucked. No surprise. Loeb's writing output in recent years for Marvel have been largely substandard. He should stick to the "Heroes" TV show.

~ Edmund

pltypus said...

I started out writing a joke piece and ended up poorer coz i like the art too much. And it doesn't hurt the lines are laugh out loud. Add in your soap opera ingredient and you have a piece of superior comic craft. Hulk Gray, have you read? Cukup best.

Hulk vs Wolvie. Is this the one where where greenie rage on a plane and drop from the sky into this canadian forest right into the path of the old canuck? The one where Hulk said "ouch!" after being poked by Wolvie? The one wit this frame of Wolvie sans head hanging from the palm of the old green one? Yeah, I saw the colected singles. Buy?

Care to write a piece on Joe Fixit? His hair-piece is so bad it's so gooood!

Uncle Screwtape said...

Different Hulk v. Wolvie fight. But now you know it anyway...

I did not get "Hulk: Gray". Marvel is releasing a hardcover collection some time next year. Maybe then? Not sure. It's not exactly one of my favs. My thing with Loeb/Sale is a "sometimes" love affair. Sometimes I absolutely adore their collaborative work and sometimes I'm just not in the mood.

Currently reading: "The Selfish Gene" (Richard Dawkins) and "Ultimate Spider-Man Vol. 9" hardcover (Bendis)