Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Wisdom of the Shaman


1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever....so far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be
on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your
headlights work?

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

35. If your book is worthless, make it expensive!


Pablo

Anonymous said...

36. If you are incompetent, highlight your qualifications!


Meng

Anonymous said...

37. You may live in a small island but you don't need a small brain.


MIKE

Anonymous said...

Unless you have a small brain!


Pltypus

Anonymous said...

Small island, small brain, small d*ck?


Pablo
(Pablo 1 Losers 0)

Anonymous said...

38. If your island is small, so is your penis!


MIKE

Anonymous said...

Is that why they drive such big cars? on their very expensive roads? drinking their very expensive petrol? To hide their very small and cheap wee wee?


Pablo

Anonymous said...

39. If your can't affor to drive, get on the train!!!


Pltypus

Anonymous said...

40 If you can't get on a train, you can bark!!!!!


MIKE
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Anonymous said...

41. If you don't understand the issues, show your competence in Greek.

La Tey

Anonymous said...

42. If you don't understand the recent blogs, comment on a 1 month old blog thats "Christian" because youre specialised in it.

La Tey

Anonymous said...

43. If you have a doctorate, always flaunt it in front of your name. You can safely assume the masses in your church will believe what you say, no matter what.

La Tey

Anonymous said...

44. If you have a doctorate, from whichever kampung university, try to sell your book for 150 bucks. Chances are people will buy it, however worthless

Mike

Anonymous said...

Now, please do not comment until we have the balls to allow that ... meanwhile, we'll just censor all comments that seek to expose us as bloody perverts. Fuck.

Edmund, come back from Arkansas soon - I mean "Jalan Arkansas" which is in M'sia with the Kuching and the cop (which seemed to attract your kind):P

Which part of the Mongolian model are you hiding now in your briefcase now?

Geok Seng

Anonymous said...

You mean Edmund has conformed to and copied Danny Retardmanda/Vincit Fuckadarda's rules of blogging?

Why, it's even worse. There's no option to even post a comment now.

These boys are really FUCKED!

MIKE

Anonymous said...

Stop imitating my friend you bastard!

Come on, you don't even know how to do a proper imitation...

Give my friend some proper credit and stop being a fool.

Maybe a dumb ass doctor will continue to be a dumb ass doctor, even when he tried to pretend to be someone his not.

Pathetic.

La Tey

ACE68 said...

45. You poor puppy. If you are still in this page, you are fucked.